How to Make Father’s Day Exceptionally Awesome



Brewfus has never lead you astray. At least I hope I haven’t. I brought you such gems as the “Guide to Beer for Girls,” my “Ultimate Guide To Getting  Drunk In Hot Weather,” and the Pulitzer prize winning “Definitive Food Pairing Guide.”

I am quite proud of all of those.

Now, as a dude, and as a father, I’m bringing you the latest in guide, “How to Make Father’s Day Exceptionally Awesome.”

These are the things all dads will want, so prepare to open those purses and wallets and make with the gift buying; THERE IS ONLY A WEEK LEFT TO SHOP!

1) Alka Setlzer

Plop plop, fizz fizz oh what a relief it is to not feel like you’re rotting from the inside out. Chances are your dad guy is going to want to drink to slight excess every once in a while to escape the turmoil of life. When he wakes up feeling like his bones were removed, and his skin was smacked around with a rug beater, Alka Seltzer will bring him right back up to 75%. Sure it tastes awful, but dammit if it doesn’t work. I recommend the 216 count box.


2) Sack Full of McGriddles

Science has brought us a lot of things. Sex robots, artificial limbs, A.I. that will one day bring down humanity.  But I believe humanity apexed with McGriddles. A sausage patty, egg, and cheese, sandwiched by pancakes with syrup injected into it. I mean, what the hell??

It’s a fact that biting into a McGriddle is akin to taking a bite into a baby angel. Fluffy, meaty deliciousness all packed into 420 delicious calories.



3) Cold Cup with Lid & Straw

While lying on the couch, or lying in bed, with minimal movement and light, your dad guy is no doubt going to work himself up a man-sized thirst. Help him quench that with minimal effort on his part by getting a cup with a top and straw. It truly is a feat of engineering that we can get all things in one convenient package. While we’re at it, make it exciting. Give him the Batman cup he always wanted as a kid, but whose parents didn’t love him enough to ever fulfill his wishes.




4) Fluffy Pillows

Scott Weiland said it best in “Wet My Bed,” (which might be something you have to deal with on this special Father’s Day) “clean sheets, incense, and lots of fluffy…pillows.” Because who can lay in bed all day feeling like a pile of garbage that was set on fire, without proper neck and head support? No one, that’s who.  Give your dad guy the gift of comfort with a luxurious pillow. He will thank you as he stains it with sweat and drool between his bouts of consciousness.




Sometimes all dad guy wants needs after exploring every other option to not feel like a pile of death, is some of the proverbial “hair of the dog.” And you can give that to him! You may not want to run to the store because you may not know what to get as choices are overwhelming. Skip all of that hard work, and have beer delivered to your door. Sign his drunken ass up for a beer of the month club, and fret not about disappointing him with your lack of knowledge in beer shopping. Let the pros get him drunk FOR YOU!

I recommend the Rare Beer Club, because whaelz bro.


6) Wet Wipes

You know what? Just trust me on this one. I recommend the 1,000 count.



Purchasing Link: http://www.amazon.com/YourButtholeWillThankMe


For more ideas visit:

Bryan at "This is Why I'm Drunk": https://thisiswhyimdrunk.wordpress.com/2015/06/12/5-terrible-beer-gifts-for-fathers-day/

Oliver at "Literature and Libation": http://literatureandlibation.com/2015/06/12/a-fathers-day-bone-marrow-donation-guide/

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